Frankbok
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"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." -J.D. Salinger
Posts: 93
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Post by Frankbok on Apr 3, 2008 11:23:22 GMT 10
Well, in my English class we're doing a poetry unit, and we've been assigned to write three poems by Friday and one by tomorrow. All of them have to have a previously assigned 'theme' or style.
Erm... well, I need your guys' input on what I have, 'cause... frankly, I'm bad at critiquing my own work ^^;; Be honest, but please try to be nice (meaning tell me if it needs work, but don't just say it sucks), I have an easily damaged ego xD
Um, and don't get offended if I don't take your suggestions, I'm sure they'll be great, but often I can't fit everything into just one (or four) poems, so... If I don't use your ideas/suggestions, I'll probably utilize them in later poems (we'll probably get assigned WAY more throughout the trimester...)
None of these are named...
Poem One - Personal Choice
You, creature of the Underworld. what beauty you weave a web of silken desire
You, daughter of the night. what sadness you tremble and look for the stars
You, frightened child. what fear you weep and turn from life
You, lovely corpse. what emptiness you are free.
Poem Two - Metaphor
I am. A star, a planet, a galaxy, I am.
I am An owl, a tree, a stream, a stone. I am.
I am A grin, a tear, a laugh, a frown. I am.
I am A rocket, a pencil--an eraser, a picture. I am.
I was A shadow, a doubt, a memory, disappointment. I was.
I will be A statue, the hope, in love, an ache. I will be.
I will Be strong, be gentle, be out there, be forever. I will.
I am You.
Poem Three - Personification
In progress, I have an idea for it.
Poem Four - Visual Response
Not done. Not started. It has to start with a scene, lots of description, then end with a deeper look into the scene. I hate the idea, it seems amateurish to me. -_-'
Yeah, so... tell me your thoughts, and... I need some ideas for the Fourth Poem... I hate Visual Responses... if you don't really get what they are, just ask and I'll describe it better.
Thankies![/blockquote][/size]
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Feather
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Post by Feather on Apr 3, 2008 12:47:30 GMT 10
Mayhaps for the last one start with a old dilipadated room? In a old castle--and then go to descrube what it used to be like. Masked dancers--tales of dragons echoing through the hall.
Or you could start with a box, and elborate on how inside the box there is memories--old photos and such.
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Frankbok
Junior Trainer
^#Birthday_Reward
"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." -J.D. Salinger
Posts: 93
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Post by Frankbok on Apr 3, 2008 12:50:24 GMT 10
Zomg, those are GREAT ideas! I dunno which one I'll choose, I guess we'll see when I actually write the poems, but thank you sooo much! You're a life saver! I doubt anyone's gonna post in this thread, so I won't post the other two poems when I finish them--there'd be no point if I get no input.
Thanks again!
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Feather
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Post by Feather on Apr 3, 2008 12:55:43 GMT 10
Tis no problem Frankerz.
Although what was the metaphor one?(It confused me)
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Frankbok
Junior Trainer
^#Birthday_Reward
"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." -J.D. Salinger
Posts: 93
|
Post by Frankbok on Apr 3, 2008 12:57:28 GMT 10
Neh, I'm not even sure myself xD I think... I dunno. I just wrote what sounded pretty xD Hehe, I'm horrible at poetry.
Though I must say, I'm quite proud of the first one (well, the first two stanzas, that is). It's about a prostitute, if you couldn't guess ^^;; Got the idea while watching Moulin Rouge. :3
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Shana
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Post by Shana on Apr 3, 2008 18:42:19 GMT 10
Haha, Feather actually is in high school so she'd be able to help you more then me. I write songs, and on the spot poetry but not this stuff.
First two are great. The last verse of the first one doesn't flow for me, but I can't really suggest how to fix it without it losing your poetic style. For the record, I thought it was a spider until the third verse, but that's metaphors for you. (If you would like to know, the bit that doesn't flow for me is the "you are... free" bit. I think it would be great with music but just spoken it sounds awkward...)
Second one, only problem I can see is that in the fourth "I am" when you say you are a rocket, it doesn't match the rest. I think you should put "picture" instead of rocket and add something new for the end of it, but like I said, I haven't done serious poetry for like four years... so I'm kinda rusty.
Fourth one, I think the whole castle and box thing is cliche, but I recall when I was in high school they loooved cliches, but I think it would be interesting to try something about appearance then delving into personality. Maybe even of an animal, talking about the rugged appearance of a wolf, or a bear or something and then describing what the animal is/would be. That's kinda random but I come up with thousands of ideas in seconds since I write on the spot poetry (I already said that, I'm so repetitive.) Anyway, I think that would be quite interesting.
Otherwise, if that doesn't work for you, use Feather's idea. If you use cliches well they are amazing but sometimes it goes terribly.
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